AN INTERVIEW GONE ROGUE

"Wow," I said, faking an air of nonchalance, "It's so nice of you to agree to do this interview right outside my apartment," Staring straight down the lens of a TV camera, I was hyper aware of my hair being plastered to my neck and the last-ditch attempt at contouring smearing across my face. The anchorwoman, bundled up in a flashy yellow rain jacket, elbowed me pointedly in the ribs.

"Don't say that," She gritted her teeth while maintaining a smile.  "Crazy people will find you."  She then transitioned seamlessly into the next question.

"So, source say that you're headed to Calabasas right now to confront the Kardashian clan yourself, can you confirm this for our viewers?"   

"Yes..." I trailed off, but something caught my attention.  There was a crowd forming around the fountain; the entire contents of The Meridian were being emptied onto the streets.  I had only caught a glimpse of some of my neighbors, but the throng of people who were gathering were certainly a rather eclectic mix.  Unfortunately, the fog that had settled over the town like a think white comforter obscured my view, somehow muffling the rallying chants that echoed through the town in waves.

The camera man, a crude looking guy, paunchy and with permanently red cheeks, signaled for me to speak up.

"Uh, well," I continued,"It's true that I've been travelling for a while now, but hopefully this broadcast will get the message out to the my family that I'm ready to finally meet them."  The anchor woman laughed, throwing her head back to reveal a few shiny gold molars.

"You claim to have a kind of, uh, spiritual connection to the family, how do you anticipate they will react, if you ever do get to meet them?"

"I would say it's more of a biological connection than a spiritual one," I answered, trying to mask my surprise.  "I can't say I really expect anything, I just hope that they will be able to accept me as a part of their family."

"Well said," The anchorwoman chimed, though her eyes were lifeless and far-off.  Suddenly, she ordered the camera man to change his focus from me to the burgeoning crowd.  He swung the large piece of equipment around, and as they realized what was going down, they high-tailed it down the street in pursuit of the next big story.

Feeling rather abandoned, but still curious as to what the commotion was about, I chased after them.  Up ahead the crowd was parting severely and I heard a shrill yell.  Everyone fell silent and I froze in my tracks.  From a distance, I could make out the muscular form of a lithe cat with jagged stripes, crouching menacingly in front of a teenager clad in black.  Something about her was striking, the way she kept her composure in the face of the snarling predator.

Then, out of nowhere, the beast seemed to retreat.  What that girl said I could never, ever try to guess, but the massive jungle cat seemed to understand, and with a few powerful strides, took off down a side street.  When the danger was over, I sprinted up the steps of the Meridian and turned on the TV.

First:  "Panic erupts after ringleader releases exotic animals into a crowd"
Then: "Hear 23 year-old Kardashian Impersonator speak about her life-long desire for fame"